Weekend Warfare (12th August)

EWA Event Archive | home

Weekend Warfare (12th August)

Scene fades in. We are following the HUD of a jet bomber, flying over Manhattan. The HUD picks out the EWA headquarters, The Bateman Center. Dig, by Mudvayne begins to play as the Bateman Centre is targeted by the aircraft's HUD. Scene cuts to a smart bomb detaching from the bomber and spiraling down through the clouds toward the Bateman Center. As it hits and explodes, the music kicks to high gear and the video montage of EWA wrestlers taking bumps etc plays in time with the beat. The music reaches a climatic hit, at which point the screen flashes white, fading back to the EWA Weekend Warfare logo, cast in shining steel, covered by tails of blue electricity. Bill Altieri's voiceover begins.

Bill Alteri "Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Weekend Warfare! We're coming to you live from the Bateman Center in Manhattan, New York, New York. We've got an absolutely unbelievable show for you here tonight. First J.C. Swinger, the self proclaimed "god of wrestling" takes on the recently released Walla Walla patient, The Outpatient in a no holds barred match for J.C. Swinger's E.W.A. Extreme title."

Mr. Delicious "Then we've got the "sen-satan-al one" Jeff Kane going head to head with the one man wrecking machine Gator for the Euromerican championship."

B.A. "Following that we have the match of the century.....E.W.A's first ever double hell in a cell battle royal. Twelve men enter.....only one remains."

MrD "That's right B.A. That one remaining man will be crowned the first ever Euromerican Wrestling Alliance World Television champion. This is big."

B.A. "Big? This is stinking savage!"

MrD "Stop the pain B.A. Lets go to the first match of our triple main event card!"

Sober begins to play over the p.a. and the crowd joins together in a chorus of boos as J.C. Swinger enters through the curtain. He stands at the top of the rampway wearing his regular black "Icon" inscribed shorts and flexes both biceps for all to behold. He begins to walk to the ring at a casual pace.

B.A. "This match should be anything but boring. Two men have decided to put it all on the line here tonight in this extreme title match which should promise to be horrifically brutal."

MrD "These two men didn't decide to fight against each other or put their bodies on the line. Phil Flaws did. Do you actually believe that these men have one ounce of courage in them?"

B.A. "Actually I do."

Psycho Man by Ozzy Osbourne begins to play and a large portion of the crowd begins to cheer. Simultaneously, another portion of the crowd boos and cast jeers at him. A van backs into the arena not through the rampway, but beside it, coming from the parking lot. The camera pans around and multiple fans are seen wearing straight jackets.

MrD "Wierdos. This crowd frightens me."

The back door of the van swings open and The Outpatient walks out, being led by four men holding poles attached to his straight jacket. The Outpatient walks to the ring with his head down and the four men lead him up the steps and into the ring through the ropes. Swinger laughs as they strip him of his sraight jacket and exit the ring. The vans pulls out of the arena and the bell rings.

B.A. "This match should be entertaining."

MrD "I hope so....Outpatient took two and a half hours just to make it to the ring."

J.C. looks around for a minute a looks at the crowd confusedly.

B.A. "What the hell is The Outpatient doing? I hope his game plan isn't to try to defeat Swinger by using his telekinesis with his head down."

Swinger charges forward and knocks Outpatient off his feet with a vicious clothesline. He quickly picks him up by the hair and whips him against the ropes. On his return, Swinger lifts him into the air military press stlye and holds him up for a moment. He then turns him so that his body is perpendicular and sits down, slamming Outpatient on his back in the process.

B.A. "Incredible show of strength by J.C. Swinger. He planted Outpatient with a military press into a sitdown body slam type move."

Swinger picks Outpatient up by the hair and whips him hard into the turnbuckle. He follows up and charges in with a hard clothesline, bringing his massive forearm across Outpatient's throat. Outpatient's body spasms wildly in response to the lariat and he slumps down in the corner, resting in an almost catatonic position. Swinger turns his back and climbs the opposite turnbuckle. He lifts his arms into the air and flexes again. He then climbs down and climbs out of the ring through the ropes. Outpatient remains still in the corner. Swinger goes to the items table and begins scavenging.

MrD "What the hell is he doing? Someone stop this cheater."

B.A. "D., it's an extreme match."

Swinger picks up his Extreme title and slides back into the ring. The crowd boos as he once again turns his back to The Outpatient and holds it air. The camera pans to The Outpatient's face and his eyelids flip open like shutters on a window. His blood red eyes gleam with madness and a wicked smile crawls across his face as the corners of his lips curl.

MrD "Swinger look out!"

B.A. "D., nothing can save him now."

The Outpatient throws his arms up and pulls himself directly up by the turnbuckle. Swinger turns around and his eyes grow to twice their usual size with astonishment. He runs forward and swings his belt at Outpatient. Outpatient scouts it however, and charges forward. He swings his right leg into the air and smashes his foot into the belt, thus belting Swinger in the face.

B.A. "Big boot counter by The Outpatient. Cover! 1.....2.....THR NO!!"

MrD "Let that be a lesson to ya Swinger. Wake the hell up!"

J.C. barely gets his arm up and kicks out. The Outpatient picks him up by the hair and whips him against the ropes. He hits him on the return with a lariat and Swinger goes crashing to the hard canvas below. Outpatient walks to an opposing turnbuckle and removes the padding on the top buckle.

MrD "Someone stop this madness!"

B.A. "For the last time D., this is an EXTREME match."

Outpatient picks Swinger up and whips him into turnbuckle. Swinger holds his arms out infront of him and catches himself. He sighs heavily and taps his head with a finger, showing his in ring intelligence to the crowd. The crowd begins to cheer wildly as The Outpatient taps the inside of his arm behind the unsuspecting Swinger. Swinger smiles and nods his head, as he believes that they cheer for him. He turns and has time only to wince as Outpatient slams his arm hard into Swinger's throat with a clothesline. The crowd roars.

B.A. "The Outpatient is showing quite a bit more smarts than Swinger."

MrD "Now that he started wrestling...."

The Outpatient picks Swinger up by the hair and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. He then walks forward, grabs Swinger by the arm, and whips him again into the exposed turnbuckle. This time Swinger doesn't catch himself, and slams face first into the hard metal.

MrD "So what's that? The metal walls?"

B.A. "You're really having a hard time trying to make jokes today aren't you?"

MrD "Hey, I had a hard night last night. The old lady wouldn't let me sleep in the bed with her. Said I snore too much. Wench."

The Outpatient quickly picks up the Extreme title that lays at his feet and charges at Swinger who's just beginning to turn around. As Swinger turns, his is hit hard with the belt to the face, busting him open.

B.A. "Swinger now beginning to bleed a little."

The Outpatient drops the belt and exits the ring. He goes to the items table and picks up a bag filled with unknown objects. He walks to the side of the ring next to the ropes and empties the bag. Thumbtacks spill all over the floor outside the ring and the fans go nuts. Outpatient slides back into the ring and picks up Swinger by the hair. He moves to the center of the ring and whips him against the ropes opposite the side where the tacks lie. As Swinger returns, he ducks down to hit him with a body drop to the outside. Swinger slides between Outpatient's legs however, and avoids the back drop. Outpatient quickly turns and runs at Swinger with another clothesline. Swinger scouts it however, and ducks down, pulling the top rope down with him. Outpatient's momentum gets the best of him as Swinger heaves him over the top to the outside. The Outpatient flips in the air and lands back first on the tacks.

MrD "That was f*ckin' brutal!!"

MrD "Ow! That was f*ckin' brutal B.A.!"

B.A. "Fans, notice the loud beeping noise. D.'s profanities have been censored as the network has requested. Sorry, but we have to do what they say."

The Outpatient writhes in pain on the ground and Swinger stands and backs up. He flexes for the crowd, then charges forward and leaps over the top rope with a splash. His huge body flies through the air and lands directly on The Outpatient's, driving the tacks deeper.

B.A. "J.C. Swinger just looked like some sort of catapulting rhino. Very unatural."

MrD "Would you shut up! He's going for the cover! 1...2...No!"

Swinger stands up and once again walks to the items table. He rummages through the things there and pulls out another bag.

B.A. "I wonder what Swinger could be up to now."

MrD "He's probably finding something else to cheat with. Cheater."

Outpatient slowly makes it to his feet and waits for Swinger to return. J.C. walks back and swings at The Outpatient with his bag. Outpatient ducks the swing and gets behind Swinger. He grabs him around the waist from behind and heaves his body into the air with a huge german suplex. Swinger's back and shoulders as well as his head land directly on the tacks, driving them deep into his skin.

B.A. "Ouch! The Outpatient has just hit Swinger with a vicious german suplex smack dab on those tacks!"

The Outpatient picks up Swinger's bag and empties it on top of both Swinger and the already poured out tacks. He then climbs onto the apron and then onto the top rope. He runs his thumb across his throat and the crowd goes wild. He leaps into the air and plummets toward the fallen Swinger's body with an elbow drop. At the last second Swinger rolls out of the way onto the nails and thumbtacks, however. Both men lie in heaps, nearly unconscious in the nails and thumtacks.

B.A. "This is brutal!"

MrD "These men are putting on one hell of a show."

After several minutes the crowd begins to chant with claps inbetween, "Get the fuck up.....Get the fuck up."

B.A. "The Bateman Center crowd getting very agitated. Someone had better do something fast."

Slowly both men start to make it to their feet. They go back and forth with left and right punches. Outpatient gets the upper hand and knocks Swinger off his feet with a hard right shot to the face. He then walks to the items table and begins picking up various objects.

MrD "If Swinger would get nails imagine what this sicko will get."

The Outpatient returns holding various needles.

B.A. "This is just sick!"

Swinger begins to sit up and The Outpatient grabs him around the neck from behind. With his free arm he grabs a needle and jabs it into Swinger's upper arm. Swinger cries out in agony as Outpatient begins to draw blood. The crowd boos wildly and the referee starts yelling at him.

Outpatient pays no attention to him and finishes drawing his first amount of blood. Swinger begins to look more pale as The Outpatient jabs another needle into his arm. Referee Jim Stuart warns him again.

B.A. "Call the dq already! This is over the edge!"

The ref warns him again and Outpatient pays no mind as he pulls out the second full needle. The referee calls for the bell as he sees Outpatient going to do it again. Security members run to ringside and start pulling The Outpatient away. The referee starts to help Swinger to his feet but Swinger shoves him away and stands up. He orders for the bell to be rung and after a moment the ref calls for the bell. Swinger runs forward and hits The Outpatient with a hard fist to the face. The security staff lets Outpatient go and Swinger whips him into the steel barricade outside of the ring. He quickly picks him up by the hair and leads him to the bed of thumbtacks and nails.

B.A. "What the hell is Swinger doing? He just had blood drawn from his body. He's in no condition to fight!"

Swinger pulls The Outpatient's head between his legs and flexes. The crowd boos as he leaps into the air holding Outpatient's arms behind his back. He comes down with his knees and Outpatient's whole front side being driven into the nails and thumbtacks with a high impact pedigree.

MrD "BEVERLY HILLS NUMBER CRUNCHER!!!"

B.A. "This is unbelievable!"

Swinger quickly turns The Outpatient over and covers him.

MrD "Get down here and count you moron!"

The referee reluctantly counts the pin. Swinger nods his head with every count: 1.....2.....3

B.A. "So was this match a no contest or a win on Swinger's part?"

MrD "Don't ask me!"

Sober plays over the p.a. again and Swinger raises his arms in victory.

B.A. "Next we have the Kane v.s. Gator match. Now this one should be off the charts. Both men former Euromerican champions, and Jeff Kane the current Euromerican champion."

Last Resort begins to play and the crowd roars. Jeff Kane enters the arena and Chaz follows close behind. Jeff stands at the top of the ramp with his belt resting on his shoulder. He poses for a moment and gets a few cheers.

B.A. "I'm still not sure where Jeff Kane stands with the fans. Some weeks they cheer for him and others they boo him. He walks a fine line between good and evil."

Greed blasts over the speakers and the crowd goes nuts. Gator stands at the top of the ramp and the crowd cheers wildly.

B.A. "Now here's someone that everyone gets behind. There's no doubt about his standing with the fans."

MrD "He's an over-rated punk in my book."

Gator sprints toward the ring and slides in under the bottom rope. The crowd goes wild. Gator and Kane immediately start going back and forth exchanging punches.

B.A. "No tests of strength or lock ups here.....this is straight up action."

MrD "Come on, pick up the pace."

Gator grabs Kane by the arm and whips him against the ropes. He drops down and Kane leaps over him, then bounces off the opposite ropes. On Kane's return Gator goes for a hip toss, but Kane spins in mid air and catches him with a ddt.

B.A. "Absolutely incredible athleticism by Kane."

Gator bounds to feet and ducks a clothesline attempt by Kane. Kane spins around to face Gator and gets a foot to the stomach, followed by a piledriver. Gator drops the elbow to Kane's abdomen. He stands and follows with two more. Jeff makes it to his feet and kicks his left leg into the abdomen of Gator. Gator catches his foot however. Kane hops in place for a moment, then swings his right leg.

B.A. "Enziguri attempt by Jeff Kane."

MrD "Slaughter him Gator."

B.A. "I thought you hated Gator."

MrD "I do. However, my dislike is equal for both men ."

Gator ducks Kane's kick and continues to hold onto his foot. Kane props himself up by his arms and swings his leg again, this time the opposite direction. Gator ducks the second attempt as well. He quickly grabs Jeff's other foot and spreads his legs. The crowd begins to cheer as he stomps deep into the groin area of Kane.

MrD "Yeah! That's the way to do it. Now Kane you get up and do the same to him."

Gator lifts Kane up by the head and whips him against the ropes. He ducks down and Kane brings himself to a quick halt before he get lifted. He turns to the side and kicks his right leg over Gator's head and comes down, planting his face into the mat.

B.A. "Kane-asser by Jeff Kane!"

MrD "Destroy! Destroy!"

Kane rolls him over and goes for the cover. 1.....2...No!

Kane lifts Gator by the hair and whips him into the turnbuckle. He follows him in and leaps into the air, places his feet into Gators stomach and his hands on his shoulders, then flips him with a monkey flip.

B.A. "Kane is really taking it to Gator!"

Jeff quickly climbs to turnbuckle and the crowd goes wild.

B.A. "Looks like Kane could be going for the Sensation! I'm suprised that Chaz hasn't made himself a part of this match."

MrD "I wouldn't get involved after what happened to him at Blitz if I were him either."

Jeff prepares to give Gator the Sensation, but Gator leaps to his feet. Kane looks at him once, then leaps into air, spinning his body in a backflip.

B.A. "Jeff Kane is trying to hit Gator with a Sensation while he knows that Gator is standing! If he hits this it'll have to be the end!"

Jeff's body connects with Gator's, but Gator wraps his arms around him, catching him in mid air. He tosses him into air and catches him on his back, in samoan drop position.

B.A. "This could be it!"

MrD "Gatorbreaker! Gatorbreaker!"

Jeff jumps off of Gator's back however, landing behind Gator on his feet. Gator turns and Jeff leaps into the air, wrapping his legs around Gator's head.

B.A. "Hurracanrana attempt!"

Jeff pulls back and Gator starts to go, but he grabs onto Jeff's legs and holds himself up. He pulls Kane back up into powerbomb position, then throws Kane around his shoulders.

B.A. "This has to be it!"

Gator leaps into the air, spins Jeff in midair, and comes crashing down with a samoan drop/cutter.

B.A. "Gatorbreaker!!"

Gator rolls him over and goes for the cover.

MrD "1.....2.....3!!!!"

B.A. "Gator is once again the Euromerican champ!"

Gator stands to his feet and calls for a mic. He catches it in the air and begins to speak.

Gator "Once again I have proven that I am truly the greatest champ that the E.W.A. has ever had."

The crowd goes wild.

Gator "Jeff Kane, you gave me one hell of a fight. It's too bad that this that was our last match together. We have a lot chemistry in the ring."

B.A. "Last match together....what the hell is he talking about?"

Gator "You see, I'm leaving the E.W.A. My time here is up and I just wanted to prove to the entire world that I could successfully win back the Euromerican title. I am that damn good and I wanted to prove it."

B.A. "The crowd is booing because Gator is leaving folks, not because he's claiming that he's that damn good. Just to clarify."

MrD "Thanks Sherlock."

Gator "However, since I'm leaving.....I'm going to hand this title back over to it's rightful owner, The New Sensation, Jeff Kane."

The crowd cheers and boos. They're upset that Gator is giving the belt up, but excited that Kane is getting it. Then, a familiar voice is heard.

"Wait. Wait right there."

B.A. "That's.....that's J.C. Swinger's voice. But where is he?"

J.C. Swinger's face becomes visible on the Psychotron.

Swinger "Gator, your telling me that after I just put my life on the line to defend my title your simply going to give yours away? I don't think so. That's b.s."

Swinger "Gator, if you give that belt up, then I'm going down there and I'm gonna kick your ass."

Gator begins to laugh, then holds the belt in the air.

Gator "This belt belongs to The New Sensation, Jeff Kane."

Jeff Kane now begins to stand and holds himself up by the ropes as he looks at Gator. Swinger begins to speak again.

Swinger "That's it. I'm gonna beat the living sh*t out of you. You sellout!"

Swinger disappears from the Psychotron and a minute or so later comes through the curtain. Gator ignores him and walks to Kane. He holds the belt to Kane as Swinger sprints to the ring. Swinger slides under the rope and stands beside Gator, his fists clenched.

B.A. "What the hell is going to happen here?"

MrD "Kick their asses J.C.!"

Gator continues to hold the belt out to Kane and Jeff reaches out to take it. Swinger stands on his toes, waiting to see what Gator will do. Jeff places his hands on it and begins to take it, but Gator pulls it back. The crowd boos emphatically and Swinger begins to smile. Gator turns and swings the belt hard at the unsuspecting Swinger. He nearly beheads him as he clocks him square in the face with the belt, knocking him to the mat. The crowd goes wild and Gator turns back to Kane. He hands him the belt and the crowd cheers again. He grabs Kane by his left hand and holds it in the air. Jeff holds the belt in the air and the crowd continues to cheer. He then turns to Gator and extends his right hand. Gator takes it and the two shake. The crowd erupts in cheers. Last Resort begins to play and the two men leave the ring, leaving Swinger lying on the mat.

B.A. "What a turn of events folks. Our first ever Euromerican Champion regained his crown, retired and gave the title back to the former champion, Jeff Kane!!! Confused? Next is our huge double hell in a cell match. Don't go anywhere for goo..."

B.A. is cut off as I'm Shady begins to play and the crowd goes nuts. President Flaws steps through the curtain wearing his baggy pornstar jeands and backwards hat and stands at the head of the ramp with a mic.

Prez "I'm just out here to say two things. First, Swinger will not be entered into this match, because I nevr sanctioned his stipulation, contrary to what he would have you all believe. He never talked to me about it so......he can kiss my rich, british arse! Swinger get the hell out of the ring, the next match is about to begin. Oh yeah, you're knocked out."

The crowd cheers wildly.

Prez "Someone get out there and drag him out. Second, I have an added stipulation to the following match. Installed on the cage will be special burners which can be activated at any time. The entire cage is covered in lighter fluid, and when there are only two men remaining the cage will be set ablaze!"

The crowd roars to life and chants begin, "Bring on the cage.....Bring on the cage."

President Flaws bows gracefully as Swinger is pulled out of the ring by the stage crew and the countdown music begins. The crowd waits in anxious anticipation as the first cell is lowered. A large section of the arena is then cleared out and the fans in the front row are forced to move back so that the other cell can be brought in. After several minutes the second cell is brought down and placed on the second ring, which was set up in the mean time. The voice of the President can be heard.

Prez "Let hell on earth...... begin!"

The crowd roars with anticipation as a countdown clock begins. 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue begins to play.

B.A. "D.C.P. is the first man entering the double hell in a cell match here tonight."

MrD "D.C.P. come on down! Your the first contestant on Get Your Ass Kicked Until You Bleed From Your Eyesockets!"

D.C.P. gets a warm welcome as he runs to the ring and quickly enters via the steps. The crowd waits on the edges of their seats again as the clock begins again.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Ironman by Black Sabbath begins to play and Vengence sprints to the ring. He enters the ring via the steps as well. He gets a very mixed reaction from the crowd.

B.A. "Here comes our next contender for the E.W.A. Television title."

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Psycho Man by Ozzy Osbourne begins to play.

MrD "The Outpatient is going to get the living sh*t beaten out of him. He's already taken a Number Cruncher on the nails and tacks. What's left of him?"

The Outpatient sprints to the ring and enters (as fast as he can.)

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Carmina Burana by Carl Orff plays over the p.a.

B.A. "Akuma Akairo making his way to the ring. Now here's a tough competitor."

MrD "Are you joking B.A.? This guy's a born loser!"

Akairo follows the men before him and enters the ring.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Peace Officer by Factory 81 blasts over the p.a. and Sully Apathy steps through the curtain. He spits a red mist and charges to the ring.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Hey Man Nice Shot begins to play and the thick bass leads to the climatic guitar part. "Mad Man" Rick Mondovi walks out of the curtain holding his cane and a joint. He lifts it into the air and takes a drag. He slowly and casually makes his way to the ring and he doesn't even make it half way down the ramp when the countdown begins again.

MrD "Now that's just insulting. Give the man his entrance time!"

8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Down by the Stone Temple Pilots plays and the crowd cheers loudly. Pepi Martinez runs to the ring and climbs over the side to enter.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

The lights go out and when they come back up Chaos stands in the ring. Mondo continues to walk down the ramp and enters in. He looks at Chaos and laughs, then takes another drag of his dope.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Foul Taste of Freedom by Pro-Pain begins to play and the crowd goes crazy.

B.A. "Dan Etoll is in the house! This high capacity crowd is on it's feet for the less fortunate man's hero, Dan Etoll."

MrD "Get this slimeball in the ring and pin him already!"

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Bodies by Drowning Pool begins to play and the crowd erupts in a chorus of boos. Violence runs enters the arena with a sign that reads, "STEPHANIE MCMAHON STOLE MY MUSIC."

B.A. "I hate Violence, but I have to agree with his sign. We all know that the company whose name I can't mention is a total fraud company. They steal all of our ideas and music."

Violence stops walking halfway down the ramp and drops his sign. He sprints to the ring and charges up the steps. He and Dan Etoll immediately start going at it with hard right and left punches.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Rock You Like a Hurracane hits and the crowd goes absolutely ape shit. Every face fan stands and the roar is nearly deafening as Tim "The Stud" Dewey enters the arena. Bill Alteri has to yell just to be heard over the crowd.

B.A. "The Stud is the fan's absolute favorite here tonight! I'm looking for this young star to walk away as the new E.W.A. World Television champion."

B.A. "What in the blue hell? Who the heck could this be? Every member of the roster that was scheduled to be here is already present.

6..5..4..3..2..1

Headup by The Deftones blasts over the speakers and the crowd roars to life once again.

B.A. "Can it be?! Is Hades back?!!! It's heavily rumored that Hades is no longer the heel that he was when he was injured, but rather a huge face. He's become a gigantic fan favorite since his injury."

Hades steps through the curtain and the crowd roars again. He charges to the ring and hastily enters. With his entry the bell is rung and every man goes at it.

B.A. "This match is starting off exactly as expected......complete chaos."

Hades and The Stud whip Chaos against the ropes and hit him with a double clothesline. The Stud flashes Hades a grin and Hades returns one that looks somewhat normal. Dan Etoll grabs The Outpatient by the arm and whips him hard against the ropes. On his return, Dan kicks him in the midsection. He follows up by grabbing him in diamond cutter position, then runs forward and drops down, hitting him with a stunner.

MrD "That was f*ckin' brutal!!"

B.A. "Dead Weight Dropper not even two minutes into the match! Cover! 1.....2.....3! The Outpatient is eliminated!"

As Dan stands from the Dead Weight Dropper, he gets caught with a hard right hand to the face from "Mad Man" Mondo. Mondo grabs him by the arm and whips him toward the ropes. However, Violence charges into his way and nearly decapitates him with a vicious clothesline.

B.A. "Brutal teamwork by Mondo and Violence. Sickening, but effective."

MrD "I think it's beautiful."