EWA Body Count (PPV, 10th July)

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EWA BODY COUNT (PPV, 10th July 2001)

<<PPV opens with a vignette. Various clips air in black and white of past EWA matches. Suitably dramatic music is playing, accompanying the clips. A voiceover begins:

“Throughout life, we struggle to attain a goal. Tonight, 12 men gamble their souls to attain the ultimate goal…VICTORY. Tonight, a broken soul (stills of Nicky Blanko's defeats air on the screen) seeks to exorcise his demons of defeat.( stills of a smug looking Vengence air over the top of Blanko's pictures) A man's torment will be ended, as his would be shadow unveils himself to the world (pics of the unknown wrestler and The Messiah staring sternly at each other). A self-professed ICON, collides with spirit born of rage (Pic of Swinger, arms folded, looming over a determined looking Akuma Akairo). A former man of honour attempts to steer a career to glory over a hardcore death agent. Tormented by defeat, Jeff Kane will tonight dedicate himself to the dethroning of Gator. And finally (scene of a towering wall of flames, Violence walking out of them towards the screen, leaving a trail of flaming footprints behind him, flames licking from his nostrils ask he approaches, then slowly, Hades rising from the flames, his eyes pits of scarlet fire, reaching out toward Violence.) the Man Monster collides with the New Jersey Devil, as Violence and Hades lock up for the EWA World Title. Tonight, EWA will raise….THE BODY COUNT!!”

<<fades to black then reopens inside the Bateman Centre, pyro shooting into the air, erupting in huge red, white and blue explosions. The crowd are almost lifting the roof with their cheers. The camera pulls down bring Bill Altieri and Mr. D into view.>>

B.A. “ Welcome everyone, to the sold out, jam packed Bateman Centre. Tonight, before a crowd of 30,000 people, the EWA presents it's first every pay per view, BODY COUNT!”

Mr.D “ And that's exactly what we're gonna see tonight Bill, a body count the likes of which the EWA has never seen before. Tonight, I predict a big win for the bad guys!”

B.A. “Perhaps the balance of power may shift D, who kn…….”

Bill's words are cut short by the sounds of Eminem “I'm Shady” playing over the house P.A. EWA President, Phil Flaws, strides through the curtain, closing his eyes and smelling the air, like a well know wrestling superstar. He raises up his arms, making the fans cheer wildly. In his left hand, he is holding what looks like a piece of paper, or contract of some kind. He is wearing, from head to foot, a black EWA branded T, baggy Porn Star jeans, and the specially commissioned Nike Air Punisher sneakers. He is also wearing a backwards EWA sports cap and black shades. After his posing, he begins to strut, gansta style, to the ring.

MR.D “I knew the Prez wouldn't let a dramatic public address opportunity go by!”

B.A. “You said it D, and with this address being right before the grudge match between Nicky Blanko and Vengence, we can only assume it has something to do with it”

The Prez, now in the ring, takes a mic from his back pocket and begins to address the fans

Prez “Now I know all of the great EWA fans, are probably about as fed up of hearing Nicky Blanko whine about how much he looses as I am! Like I said when I addressed each and every piece of talent we hired here in the EWA, hard work and determination will get you exactly where you want to be. Now Blanko couldn't grasp this concept, and no matter how hard we in the back office tried, Nicky just didn't want to try. He even became indolent, even sarcastic. He basically got himself an attitude. Now, if what happened to Michael Duggaz wasn't enough of an indication that you don't cross the boss, then I have no other alternative but to add one hell of a sweet stipulation to this match. (holds the paper he was holding aloft. The fans pop in anticipation.) This Nicky, is your future in the EWA. This is a guaranteed, 3 year deal, 2 title shots a year, AT THE TITLE OF YOUR CHOICE! Now if you win, you get to put your name on this. But if you lose, I tear this sonofabitch up and stick it down your throat as you haul your unemployed ass into the line behind Duggaz and Penn! And don't get all pissed of about it Nicky, 'cause you don't want none of The Prez. I'm too big, too sexy and JUST....TOO...."

Prez holds the mic out to the crowd, who finish off with a resounding "SWEEEEEEEET!". I'm Shady hits again, and the Prez makes his way to the ring, the fans popping wildly.

B.A. “My god! The Prez just layed it down, and man he wasn't pulling any punches! If Blanko doesn't turn Vengence over tonight, then he's fired!!”

Mr.D “Well good riddance I say! Like I said, it's gonna be a good night for the bad guys!”

B.A. “And with that fans, let's take you straight to the action”

Bawitaba by Kid Rock booms over the P.A. as Blanko pushes his way through the curtain. Crowd apathy is strong, and some fans even hurl rubbish at Blanko, as he stands at the top of the ramp, staring dejectedly at his feet.

B.A. “Nicky Blanko just does not look right tonight folks. All of his recent defeats seem to have taken all of the fight out of him.”

Mr. D “Like the Prez said, Blanko needs to put up or shut up. I don't like him, never have."

Blanko begins his slow walk down to the ring, dragging his feet, arms swinging loosly by his sides. He briefly looks up at the crowd, then back at the floor. He climbs into the ring and slumps down into one corner, sitting and waiting for his opponent. Iron Man by Black Sabbath booms around the arena, making Blanko visibly jump with fear. Vengence stands atop the walkway, dressed in black Hilfiger jeans tucked into black Wolverine workboots.

B.A. “Vengence is taking this match so lightly, he hasn't even bothered to get changed from his street clothes!”

Mr D. “He has good right not to take this little punk seriously, just look at him, he's pathetic”

Vengence walk slowly and deliberately to the ring, soaking up the boos and jeers from the crowd. He climbs, again slowly, into the ring and stands in the opposite corner to Blanko, staring him down. Blanko refuses to meet his gaze and hauls himself up on the ropes, turning his back to Vengence. Vengence runs at him and smashes him into the turnbuckle with high knee. Blanko hits the turnbuckle hard, falling back, clutching his sternum.

B.A. “He looks in serious pain there D”

Mr.D “Bill, he looks like he just took a bite out of a shit sandwhich!”

B.A. “Charming”

Vengence garbs his opponent by the hair, lifting him to his feet. He hitches him up and delivers a high impact, snap suplex, then another, and another, following up with vicious stomps to Blanko's prone body.

Mr.D “After those 3 suplexs , I can't see Blanko taking much more of this folks!”

Vengence again in control, delivering a snap DDT to Blanko, then an elbow drop, and another. Vengence then climbs the turnbuckle nearest his foe and leaps off, delivering a double knee drop, flush into Blanko's chest. The crowd respond with gasps and cries of “OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!”

B.A. “MY GOD! Vengence just crushed Vengence to dust with that wicked double knee drop!”

Vengence covers Blanko, 1….2….Blanko gets a shoulder up a split second before 3. Blanko gets groggily to his feet, while Vengence stomps toward the ref, backing him up into the corner. As he turns, Blanko, out of nowhere, hits his patented evenflow DDT.

Mr.D “I don't believe it! Blanko just hit the Blank Out, out of nowhere!”

B.A. “I knew this kid still had some fight in him! Come on Nicky, dig deep and find that fire again!”

Blanko falls on top of Vengence, only gets a 1 count from his huge efforts. He sits up, looking bemused, like he has finally lost it. Vengence swiftly jumps to his feet, bounces from the far ropes and dropkicks Blanko in the back of the head, laying him out.

Mr.D “Hahahahah! Blanko just got his fire put out Bill!”

Vengence, again seizes Blanko, a look of anger across his face, and tries to haul him to his feet. Blanko falls limps at his knees, seemingly “out on his feet”. Suddenly, Blanko explodes, wrapping Vengence into a small package pin, making the crowd go nuts. The ref jumps down, counts 1….2….Vengence narrowly avoids defeat by breaking the pin at 2.

B.A. “My God! I thought Blanko had him for sure there! What the hell does this kid have to do to put that evil bastard away!?!?!”

Vengence, his face now red with rage, kicks Blanko squarly in the midsection, doubling him up, then once again, hoisting him up into a stalling vertical suplex. One he has Blanko up, he releases the suplex, catching him around the waist and driving him to the mat with a devastating sit out powerbomb.

Mr.D “WHAM! Blanko just felt the Extreme Vengence. He just got his punk ass fired.”

The ref counts, 1….2….3!!!!! The crowd give a mixed reaction as Vengence gets his hand raised as the winner, his music already filling the arena, mingling with the chorus of cheers and boos.

B.A. “Damn you Vengence! Damn you to hell! You just ended a man's career!”

Suddenly, I'm Shady cuts over Vengence's music, as President Flaws makes his way to the ring. Vengence holds the ropes open for the boss, who in turn looks at Vengence like he is a 3 headed asshole. After a brief stare down, the Prez enters the ring with his mic.

Prez “So I have spoken, so has it been done. Blanko, you couldn't even look this man in the eyes(he bends down, grabbing Blanko by the hair, directing his vacant gaze at Vengence) when he attacked you, you fucking coward! EWA has eradicated 2 cancers in the past month, you Nicky, are the last bit of it that needs to be cut out!”

The Prez stands up, looking down at the pitiful form of Nicky Blanko. He raise his thumb up, gladiator style, to the crowd, who respond with a thunderous chorus of boos. He raises his other thumb, and slowly points it downward, giving Blanko a big thumbs down, eliciting a huge roar of approval.

Prez “There you have it Nicholas, from hero to zero. Now get your loser ass out of my sweet fed, welcome to the unemployment line sunshine! Vengence (looking him face to face), do your worst, then call the garbage men, before this trash starts to stink up the place!”

I'm Shady plays again as the Prez leaves the ring. He turns to Vengence, fishing in his jeans pocket for something. He produces brass knuckles and throws them to Vengence, then picks up the time keeper's chair and throws that into the ring also. After a finally, crowd popping salute, the Prez makes his way to the back.

B.A. “Why Phil, why? He lost the match, he's out of the fed, why this punishment?”

Mr.D “Like he said Bill, don't cross the boss! Blanko is about to learn his first lesson in pro wrestling politics!”

B.A. “How can you live with yourself D? A young man is about to be…..{THWACK}

Bill is interrupted by the resounding thud of steel on bone as Vengence levels Blanko with a sickening chair shot, almost taking his head from his shoulders. As Blanko hit's the floor, Vengence goes beserk, attack his foe with the chair {thwack..thwack..thwack}, striking him repeatedly with the chair all about his body.

B.A. “OOOHHH, MY GOD! STOP HIM! Somebody stop that madman before he seriously hurts Nicky!”

By this time, Blanko is twitching on the mat, coughing up blood and also bleeding from a deep gash in his scalp. As he winds up for his finishing blow, 6 or 7 security race to the ring, restraining Vengence, who stares coldly and blankly at his fallen, demolished opponent. As the EMT's hit the ring, tending to Blanko, Vengence is led, handcuffed to the backstage area, the fans now heartily booing him as he goes.

B.A. “Thank God for our security staff here at the Bateman Centre. That homicidal maniac needs to be locked up!”

Mr.D “Stress release is all that was Bill. Blanko should have come correct and ready to fight.”

B.A. “Blanko certainly paid the price for such apathy. Fans, due to the stipulation placed on this match, that is the last the EWA will see, of Nicky Blanko.”

Mr.D “And after that total scrubbing Vengence just gave him, probably the last we'll see of him…PERIOD!”

B.A. “Thrills galore already tonight folks. Next up D, we finally find out who the mystery man is who has been stalking the Messiah. Lets take a look at how the match was made."

B.A. “Well D, we finally get to see who this crazy assed stalker is who has been making The Messiah's life miserable”

Mr.D “And don't forget how this moron has been treating Marcus Allen. Dan Etoll hit the nail on the head when he said that wrestlers should treat Marcus with a little more respect.”

B.A. “Exactly right D. Maybe this “mystery moron” will get his tonight”

Holy Man by One Minutes Silence begins to play, as the mystery wrestler steps through the curtain to a chorus of boos. He ignores the crowd, making his way to the ring, casting icy glances out into the crowd.

B.A. “I never got a good look at him before, but that looks like…It IS! That man is Know as 357! I have seen that guy before in other feds, and boy, if you thought Sabu was homicidal and genocidal, wait until this psycho gets himself fired up!”

Mr.D “357? Like Magnum .357?”

B.A. “Beats me, maybe we should get Marcus to ask him after the P.P.V.?”

Mr. D “Good thinking Batman”

357 begins to limber up, stretching on the rope etc, when Messiah's music hits and he almost erupts from the entry way, racing toward the ring to get his hands on 357. He slides under the ropes as the bell sounds. Immediately as he enters the ring, 357 levels him with a thunderous shot to the face with his non EWA king of the deathmatches belt.

B.A. “ Why did he bring that trash with him? He knows the president would never sanction a deathmatch title.”

Messiah, still reeling from the vicious shot, staggers to his feet, blood pouring from a gash above his eye. 357 attacks with a series of vicious rights to the cut eye, trying to open it up wider, his fist becoming covered in Messiahs blood.

Mr. D “Hey Bill, check it, 357 just received the blood of Christ”

B.A. “D, that line was way old at Warfare”

357 not letting up on Messiah, whips him into the corner and follows up with a yakuza kick to the face. Messiah staggers forward and is immediately seized in a headlock by 357, who runs up the turnbuckle as if he is about to deliver a tornado DDT, but delivers a huge tornado bulldog.

Mr. D “ACID DROP! Who does 357 think he is, Spike Dudley?”

B.A. “Kinda looks like him”

357 on the attack again, but is stopped dead in his tracks by a well placed low blow by Messiah, enabling him to shake the cobwebs free. Messiah takes control; lifting the winded 357 up and slamming him back down with an impact spinebuster, following up with furious stomps to the head and chest. Messiah leaves the ring and grabs the announcer's water jug, taking it back into the ring.

B.A. “Messiah just stole our water jug and I shudder to think what use he has in mind for it”

Mr.D “Whatever it is, you can be sure it's gonna be messy!”

Messiah allowing 357 to get to his feet, swings the jug back and shatters it across the face of 357, busting him wide open.

B.A. “GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! 357 just got decimated with our water jug!!”

357 collapses into a heap, lying in the broken glass. Messiah once again leaves the ring looking for weapons. Dan Etoll is going about his vendor duties in the front row when the Messiah spots him. Messiah shoves him from behind, causing Dan to spill his entire tray of hot dogs over the fans in front of him. The crowd begin to chant “food fight” and the like as the wieners hit the floor. As Dan begins to scoop up his dropped stock, Messiah turns away with a disgusted look on his face.

B.A. “I don't think Dan liked that one bit. I mean the guy was just doing his job for pete's sake!”

With Messiah's back turned, Dan takes up his mustard bottle and sneaks up behind his foe. As Messiah turns, Dan squirts his mustard into Messiah's eyes, temporarily blinding him. He then climbs atop the barrier, hotdog tray held high above his head, and brings it crashing down over Messiah's head, splintering the wood. The crowd respond with an almighty pop! Dan salutes the crowd and heads off to the back at great speed.

Mr.D “Two Spike Dudley-alikes? That's all we need. What is this, EC freeking W?”

B.A. “So much for your bad guy theory. Messiah just got..DOGGED!”

357 back up now, grabs a chair from outside the ring. He raises the chair above his head and the crowd pop, chanting “HARDCORE….HARDCORE” 357 responds by leaping off the turnbuckle and delivering a high altitude frog splash holding the chair across his chest.

B.A. “OH MY GOD! THE MECCA TOAD SPLASH! Messiah will get no second coming after that!”

Mr.D “That's as maybe Bill, but I think it took just as much out of 357”

Both men lie outside the ring, blood from their respective wounds pooling around their heads. Messiah is first to move, groggily getting to his feet and dragging 357 back into the ring, chair in tow. He raise the chair, and ..WHAM!, levels 357 with a wicked chair shot, then another, and another. Messiah throws the chair down in the middle of the ring, and motions to the crowd for the crucifixion, his signature move. The crowd respond with a chorus of boos, which seem to anger Messiah. He hoists 357 up into standard cross powerbomb/razor's edge position and holds him there, displaying his strength. The crowd start going crazy as Dan Etoll emerges from the crowd and leaps up onto the apron. Messiah turns and sneers at him, and is met with a superkick to the face.

B.A. “FOOD STAMP! FOOD STAMP! Etoll just wiped the grin off Messiah's face with the Food Stamp”

Messiah collapses under the impact of the superkick, allowing 357 to get free of his grip. 357, now back in control, positions the chair off to his side and then sets Messiah up in pedigree fashion. He gives dead weight body of Messiah an almighty hoist into the air, turning the pedigree into a jumping double arm DDT. Messiahs head smacks into the steel chair, making the crowd gasp as even they hear it.

B.A. “357 JUSTICE! 357 just passed judgement on Messiah! Now he's hooking the leg with a cover!”

Mr. D “1…..2…..3!!!!! What a bloody battle. And a clean finish for once here in the EWA. 357 really making a statement here tonight.”

B.A. “Indeed, but the bigger story is what is Dan Etoll's involvement with 357? Are they friends, partners?”

Mr.D “Lets get Marcus to ask that too”

B.A. "Well, there you have it fans. The mystery wrestler turned out to be 357, a well know hardcore legend and deatmatch champion, and I personally cannot believe we obviously have him under contract here in the EWA!"

Mr. D "Believe it Billy boy! We now have THE hardcore icon in our glorious federation, which means blood and crazy ass stunts by the bucket full!"

B.A. "As if the EWA isn't exciting enough fans! More excitment still to come, as we are about to have, what is possibly going to go down as match of the year, as Gator defends his Euromerican title, against a man who has become his arch nemesis.....JEFF KANE"

Mr.D "Yeh, it's all or nothing for JK this time Bill. Maybe Chaz will be the difference maker?"

B.A. "I've followed Jeff Kane's career for many years, and I can tell you that you don't factor out Chaz. What he lacks in stature, he makes up for in spirit and sheer guts."

Just as Bill finishes his speech, Last Resort by Papa Roach begins to play, as the ring announcer heralds the arrival of the challenger, "Sensational One" Jeff Kane.

B.A. "Never before has an entrance theme been so fitting. It possibly will be a last resort for Jeff Kane."

Kane poses for his semi adoring fans, then turns and points to the curtain, as Chaz pushes his way through. The crowd go crazy when Chaz appears, bringing a huge grin to his face. The pair then make their way to the ring and beging playing to the crowd once inside. Kane then shoo's Chaz from the ring and waits in the centre, staring at the entry way.

The arena goes dark, as Greed by Godsmack begins to play. A single white strobe shines down on the ramp as Gator appears, dressed in his usual Raven-esque garb, his title proudly fastened aroung his waist. Kane points up the ramp at Gator's belt, then crooks a thumb back to himself, indicating he wants the title. Gator looks down at his title, then at Jeff kane, and slowly shakes his head, flipping kane a double bird. After a brief moment of basking in the cheers, he makes his way to the ring, gently handing the title over to the ref upon entering, then removing his jacket and bandana. As he lays them in the corner, kane immediatly capitalises by kicking Gator square in the crotch, causing Gator to double up on the mat. Kane follows up with stiff kicks to Gator's head and neck.

B.A. “I've never seen Kane so fired up. This is the kind of determination he has been lacking since he began in the EWA.”

Mr.D “I think this may be his night Bill”

Kane remains in control, whipping Gator from buckle to buckle, until he has crashed into all 4, then follows up the last with a dropkick to the chest of Gator, sending him through the ropes to the outside. Kane leaps over the top rope with a suicide dive, but is met by the unforgiving concrete as Gator swiftly rolls out of the way.

B.A. “Kane went to the well one to many times on that one”

Gator quickly rolls Kane into the ring, gaining control once inside by hitting a jumping piledriver, laying Kane out. Gator quickly climbs the turnbuckle nearest his foe, and leaps off, crashing down with a big splash.

Mr.D “Guess you'd call that a Gatorsplash Bill? Whatever it was, it sure took the wind out of Kane”

B.A. “It looks like he may have caught Jeff kane a little too hard on that splash, maybe even crack a rib or two”

Both men appear in pain, but it is Gator who recovers first, bringing Kane to his feet, then landing a stiff headbutt to Kane's face, causing him to bleed a little from the nose. Kane touches his face, sees the blood and attempts an attack, only to be met with a hard boot to the stomach. Gator follows up with a swift powerbomb, bouncing Kane off the mat with authority. As Kane lies prone, Gator hooks on a single leg crab, cranking back and applying severe pressure to Kane's lower back.

B.A. “CANADIAN MAPLE LEAF! Gator borrowing a Lance Storm move, trying to get Jeff Kane to submit”

Mr.D “ I hope we aint gonna see another one of those screwjob finishes like at Blitz. The guy was clearly reaching for the ropes”

Gator has Kane locked up, dead centre in the ring, pulling back with all his might. Kane, whose face is red with agony, desperately tries to get to the ropes, but is dragged back into the centre of the ring. Kane refuses to tap when the ref asks him, and looks like he may be fading. As his hand goes down for the second time, Chaz mounts the apron, trash talking Gator, who releases the hold without thinking and begins to challenge Chaz.

B.A. “Chaz doing the smart thing, buying his man some time to recover”

Kane silently climbs to the second rope of the turnbuckle behind Gator, poising himself like a coiled spring. At his signal, Chaz drops from the apron, and as Gator turns, he is met with….

Mr.D “KANE-ASSER! KANE-ASSER! Gator just got hit with a second rope kane-asser. This has gotta be it, 1….2….thr…nooooo! Gator got his damn shoulder up!”

Kane, now visibly enraged, grabs Gator again, but Gator quickly reverses into a northern lights suplex, bridging up for the pin. Ref makes the count, 1….2….Kane powers out, still holding on to Gator, and delivers a modified cradle tombstone piledriver.

B.A. “Boy, did Jeff put a nail in Gator's coffin with that move!”

Kane covers again, only gets one and a half. Once again he lifts Gator to his feet and swings with a left, which is blocked and returned with a right from Gator. The 2 men stand toe to toe, trading blows, the crowd spurring them on. Finally, it is Gator who regains the upper hand, whipping Kane into the ropes and following up with a huge, high angle spinebuster. Instead of covering, Gator applies an anklelock to Kane, wrenching at it for all he is worth.

Mr.D “Both men seem to be getting really frustrated by each others' stamina. Neither one can keep the upper hand for long”

B.A. “When you have 2 men so evenly matched D, you can't help but create a fantastic, thrilling match. 17 minutes in and already we've had 3 near falls and a near submission. What more could we ask?”

Mr.D “Erm…a winner?”

B.A. “Gator is hoping he can wear Jeff down enough to make him tap. I guess he feels since the controversy over his last win over Jeff, he wants to make him tap cleanly”

Kane manages to get himself to the ropes, forcing Gator to break the hold. Gator, who is frustrated by Kane's refusal to tap, begins to stomp on his weakened ankle, which brings Chaz to the apron once again. Gator turns his attention away from Kane and grabs Chaz by his shirt, getting right in his face.

Mr.D “Didn't this idiot learn not to turn his attention away from Kane the last time?”

Using the interruption as cover, Kane slips from the ring and retrieves the Euromerican title belt from the bell table. He stands behind Gator, beckoning him to turn around. Gator is obviously alerted by the fan reaction, as he instinctively ducks as he turns, causing Jeff to follow through on his swing, levelling the ref and Chaz by mistake. As Kane, hands on head, looks down at his manager, Gator quickly hoists him up and deliverers the GatorBreaker. As the ref is knocked down, no count is made as gator wearily covers Kane.

B.A. “ Gator just wiped Kane out with the GatorBreaker!! 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10..AWW C'MON! Godammit, get another ref down here, this match should be over!”

Another ref races down the aisle from the back and slides into the ring as if by magic.

B.A. “1…2…thre..NO! NO! Kane was literally a gnat's eyelash away from a third defeat at the hands of Gator, but just managed to get his shoulder up!”

Mr.D “Gator must be asking himself what he has to do to put Kane away”

Gator, visibly frustrated, stands up, bringing Kane with him. He sets him up on the closest turnbuckle for a superplex and hooks Kane's arm, as if about to deliver his move. Kane retaliates by elbowing Gator in the back of the head, then shoves him off the turnbuckle, causing him to fall backwards, accidentally clashing heads with ref number 2, temporarily knocking him down. The crowd pop in anticipation of seeing Kane execute the Sensation, but he merely points to the opposite turnbuckle, which is being climbed by Chaz.

B.A. “Now what the hell is the mighty munchkin doing getting himself physically involved in this match?”

Mr.D “Like the Prez says Bill, this is gonna be sweet!”

Chaz does the whole double gun hand symbol thing, like the Hardyz, making the crowd crazy. He then leaps off the turnbuckle, delivering a small, but perfectly formed swanton bomb.

Mr.D “SMALL-TON BOMB! SMALL-TON BOMB!”

B.A. “Oh Please!”

Chaz, then kneels by the turnbuckle wear Jeff Kane is perched, and points to him in showbiz fashion. With that, Jeff leaps from the turnbuckle, back flipping in mid air, and landing squarely on Gator, thus executing a perfect shooting star press.

B.A. “SENSATION! SENSATION! Not like this! The ref can see the cover, 1…………2…………….3!!!!!!! AAAAHHH! Jeff Kane just did the impossible; he dethroned Gator and secured his first run with the Euromerican title! Good God, what a match!”

Mr.D “I don't mind admitting that both guys gave it their all. But like I said, Kane just had the fire tonight, and it took him to title glory!”

B.A. “I can't believe he used his manager to secure the win!”

Mr.D “Like he said in his last promo Bill, by any means necessary!”

B.A. “All things aside folks, we have just witnessed what is possibly one of the most exciting displays of sports entertainment in recent history. But we do have a new EWA Euromerican Champion, and that man is Jeff Kane!

Jeff Kane holds his belt aloft, his face etched with pride. Chaz stands beside him, looking as smug as ever. After a few minutes of eliciting a decent fan response from the new champ, he and Chaz make their way to the back.A. “Well folks, yet another surprise tonight here at Body Count. What a night it has been so far, and what .A. “Well folks, yet another surprise tonight here at Body Count. What a night it has been so far, andhat

B.A. "What a night so far folks, and what a card still to come!"B.A. “Wat Body Count. What a nig card still to Mr.D “But up next, we get to see that big futha mucker, Chaos, debut against fake freddy durst Sypher and his new “manager”, our former VP, Cole Hanson!”

B.A. “Let's take a look at how this ridiculous situation came about with the VP”

As the vignette fades, (SIC) by Slipknot blares out of the P.A. as Sypher apperas, accompanied by a flash of blue pyro. Behind him, following sheepishly, is the demoted EWA Vice President, Cole hanson. The pair make their way to the ring, to a decent fan response, and enter. As the lights go out, the VP dives for cover outside of the ring. On the PyschoTron, Chaos' vignette airs. As it reaches it's climax, a scene is show of the arth exploding. This is accompanied by bright white pyro flashes and explosions and the hous lights coming back up suddenly, revealing Chaos in the middle of the ring.

B.A. “WOW! Look at the size of this guy! He truly is a monster”

Mr.D “No shit Bill! He's shit eatin, skyscraper huge!”

Chaos almost casually hits Sypher from behind with a lariat, almost beheading him. Sypher hits the mat like a lead weight, clutching the back of his neck. Chaos stuns the crowd into silence, by delivering a jumping leg drop, gaining around 5 feet of “air time” before crashing down over the back of Sypher's neck.

B.A. “It's not often that I'm lost for words fans, but what I just saw defies the laws of gravity itself! A man the size of Chaos should not be able to do those kinds of things!”

Chaos picks Sypher up with 1 hand, and sits him on the turnbuckle, looking like he's setting up to stunner him of the top rope. Sypher manages to reverse into a top rope facebuster, bouncing Chaos' head of the canvas. Sypher, seizing the opportunity, begins to stomp and elbow drop Chaos. Suddenly, I'm Shady booms from the P.A., and the Prez appears on the entryway. He slowly makes his way down to the ring, pointing at the VP all the time.

Mr.D “Hanson is in trouble now, here comes the Prez!”

B.A. “Doesn't the guy know where his office is?”

During the distraction, Sypher has mounted the turnbuckle with a steel chair and is poised, waiting to strike at his prey. Outside the ring, the Prez makes a run for VP Hanson, spearing him into the steel steps, almost knocking himself silly in the process. VP Hanson quickly recovers and jumps onto the ring apron, facing opposite to Sypher. The Prez shakes the cobwebs loose and gives chase, causing the VP to run along the apron, colliding with Sypher, crotching him on the turnbuckle. The VP looks back at Sypher and shrugs, as he continues up the ramp way, the Prez in hot pursuit.

Mr.D “The Prez is gonna whip his sucka azz when he catches him!”

B.A. “I don't agree with the Prez and Vice Prez interjecting themselves into matches. They should have their own!”

Mr.D “Whoaa! Look in the ring!”

Chaos is back to his feet, striding with purpose to where Sypher hangs, crotched on the turnbuckle. He grabs him with both hands and lifts him little way off the turnbuckle. Sypher breaks the hold and punches Chaos hard in the face, causing him to stagger back a little. Again, before Sypher can dismount, Chaos grabs him by the throat. Again Sypher breaks the hold and punches Chaos in the face, staggering him and bloodying his lip. Chaos, enraged by the sight of his own blood, grabs Sypher by the throat with a force that makes his eyes bulge. He holds him like that, dangling in mid air, while he climbs the ropes backwards, until he is standing on the top rope, Sypher still in his vice like grip.

B.A. “I don't believe what I am seeing! Chaos just carried a 200 plus pounder, backwards up the ropes, with absolutely no effort at all! I am in awe of this man's power ladies and gentlemen!”

Chaos motions to the crowd, who pop mildly, despite his heel status, then leaps of the top turnbuckle, again getting outstanding hangtime, crashing to the mat with a hellacious double handed choke bomb, stunning the fans into near silence.

B.A. “REDEMPTION! REDEMPTION! I never thought I'd see the day when over 500 pounds of humanity came crashing to the mat from over 10 feet!! My God what an awesome site!”

Mr.D “WOW! No shit Bill! That was truly something special. I think Chaos is sending a message tonight at Sypher's expense.”

Chaos merely puts 1 foot on Sypher's chest and the ref counts, 1…2…3!!

B.A. “No upsets here folks, Sypher just was not ready or prepared for the power of Chaos. He was obviously taken out of his game by this whole Prez/VP thing, which he unfortunately got caught up in”

Mr.D “Fake Freddy Durst, you are the weakest link….Goodbye!”

Chaos lifts Sypher onto his shoulder, and then leaves the ring, carrying Sypher to the back.

B.A. “Folks, all I can say is WOW! We are still in awe here of the display Chaos just put on!”

Mr.D “I can't take it anymore Bill, my heart can't stand anymore!”

B.A. “You need Spandex D. it's Spandex withdrawal you're feeling”

Mr.D “Hey, it was the 80's. We all wore Spandex!”

B.A. “And the make-up?”

Mr.D “ erm…(cough) yeh! Hahahah! Oh, folks, it's time for our second title match of the night!”

Carmina Burana by Carl Orff begins to play and Akuma Akairo enters the arena and begins to make his way to the ring. He stands on the apron, looks from side to side at the crowd and then enters the ring under the top rop.

B.A."Wow, look at this guy. He's someone I'd never want to meet in a dark alley."

MrD "He's someone I wouldn't want to meet anywhere."

B.A."J.C. Swinger's gonna have to put on one hell of a fight if he's going to put this guy away to take the Extreme title here to...."

Bill Alteri is cut off as Sober by Tool blasts over the speakers.

MrD "Booyah! Here comes the main attraction, the muscle machine, the king of extreme, Mr. J.C. Swinger!"

B.A."Just call the match."

Swinger runs down to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He walks forward towards Akuma, then turns to the crowd and flexes.

MrD "Now that's why he's the most popular man here in E.W.A."

Akuma looks at Swinger angrily, then runs forward and dropkicks the unsuspecting Swinger in the back of the knee. He taunts the fallen Swinger and motions for him to stand up.

B.A."Great way to start this match. Akairo's really showing that he wants to become the next Extreme champion."

Swinger begins to stands and Akuma runs forward again, this time he leaps into the air and plants both feet upside Swinger's head with a devastating dropkick. He goes to pick Swinger up by the head, but Swinger hooks Akairo hard in the groin, taking the wind out of him.

MrD "Well, that's one way to stop someone's momentum. Me, I just run away."

B.A."Swinger looking to change the tide here."

Swinger lands a succession of hard fists to the side of Akairo's head. He then moves forward and hooks Akuma into a basic suplex position. He lifts him up and holds him for a moment. He then spins in a circle and drops into a sitdown position, slamming Akairo's face deep into the mat.

B.A. "All I can say is ouch."

MrD "Ouch? I say that was fucking brutal!"

B.A. "I guess that works too."

Swinger picks up the winded and beaten Akuma and lifts him into the air in a military press type move. He then throws him over the top rope, sending him falling straight onto concrete.

MrD "WOW! Did you see that Bill?"

MrD "Is that all you can say? Wow? I say that was fuckin' brutal!"

B.A."You already said that."

MrD "So. I'm trying to start a new thing here."

B.A. "Whatever, just call the match."

Swinger climbs through the ropes and drops down on the concrete outside. He picks up the battered Akairo and whips him into the steel barrier outside the ring.